Confidence

Today I wanted to talk about confidence; on how you can have it in great, big generous amounts in some areas of your life, but in the most minuscule of amounts in others. Sit me down with a drawing tablet, or a bunch of paints and I'm almost completely confident in myself. I know I can create something I'm happy with, from nothing. I can use my imagination and skills to put together a whole new creation and feel proud of what I come up with, enough to want to show it off - even if I know it won't be to everyone's taste. That's the thing with confidence, you're not expecting everyone else to like you, or whatever you're confident in. You're just happy with it enough for yourself.

However on the other end of the scale; asking me to get dressed everyday can sometimes cause a problem. No, no.. not because I'm lazy and want to PJ it up all day (though that'd be nice, not gonna lie). It's hard because everyday for me getting dressed is a bit of a battleground. I won't say I hate myself... but it's close. Real close. Trying to do the smallest act such as simply choosing an outfit to wear can be hellish, it's very rare I'll look in the mirror and feel good. Chalk it up to me wanting to lose weight (very true) but the reality is this has always been an issue for me, even at a very small size (oh I remember those days...). I've always struggled with photographs, being the centre of attention, having people just stare at me, etc. And I'm pretty tired of it to be honest.

So I've decided I'm going to start a new chapter for myself, in an attempt to improve my confidence. I'm going to be selling off around 90% of my whole wardrobe, and starting afresh. I'll be putting a page up on the blog probably, with all clothing for sale; so keep an eye out for that. Each time I sell something, it's going to be money towards new clothing. And the rule is, I have to choose clothing that I truly love. No more buying things because I feel I should have it, or should be wearing it, OR because I think it will help me look a different way. 

I have to make sure it's something which reflects my personality, which is fun and versatile, something I won't change my mind about in two weeks, and something I'll feel confident in. It all sounds pretty obvious doesn't it? But I'm willing to bet we don't all shop like this all the time. I'll also be attempting outfit posts here on the blog, finally. I've always wanted to; since I like quirky clothing and I think it'd be fun. But always felt too embarrassed, like I'm too ugly, or I don't know what I'm doing. But fuck it. I'll give it a go. It won't be polished, or beautiful. But it'll be me. And maybe forcing myself to stare at these images will bring me some self confidence along the way.

*Luna would not pose. Haha.
Who knows how it'll go?
But I wanted to share this with you guys, in the hope you'll bear this in mind as I try new things on this blog. Confidence is something that takes years to build up, and moments to tear down. I'm really nervous, but also excited. Maybe I'll finally accept myself a little more.

Happy Tuesday guys! :)

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