Anxiety, Stress & Acceptance

Hello everyone & a happy Monday to you all, I hope you all had a lovely weekend. This week I've been toying with the idea of a bit of a personal post, a general insight into the changes I've made in my life lately, and how they've helped. If you don't know already, I suffer from extreme anxiety, stress and lack of self confidence. I can be a big heap of a mess sometimes. I hope by reading this you may feel someone else understands what you are dealing with, or maybe it will help you better understand someone else going through this. 
Most of all I'd like people to realise this isn't a 'trend' or a term that should be used lightly. I have sought medical help multiple times and only after years was I diagnosed with Anxiety.

Anxiety- I've seen plenty of blogs talking about Anxiety issues these past few months, and it's great. The more people talk about these issues, the better for everyone. But we need to understand these issues and not encourage people who use the term 'anxiety' loosely. The reason I've decided to write about this myself is to share my progress, speak about how it's affected me in specific ways, and hopefully give some tips to help any of you in similar positions.

How It Began- There is something that happened to me as a child, which I would never wish on anybody. I really don't want to say what happened, because I think it would hurt. Maybe one day I will, but I'm not ready for that yet. It affected my whole life, and all my relationships. I while do feel I've gotten over the worst of it, it has made it harder for me to trust people. And because of this I haven't spoke about my anxiety/stress issues with friends or family at all really. I'm hoping this post gives me the courage to be open about these issues in the future. Since my Dad died over three years ago, I've suffered with terrible anxiety, stress and depression at various times. I do not consider myself depressed at all now and haven't for at least a year and half, but it was pretty bleak when I was. I still however have anxiety and stress related issues which affect me in a multitude of ways. I became withdrawn, antisocial and always on the verge of panic. I constantly put on a front when I was with friends, and acted the clown, or as 'normal' as possible. I don't think many of them even knew anything was wrong, which was just how I liked it. The only person I was 100% comfortable around and who seen the truth of me was my boyfriend, Gary. He understood my quick mood changes, my struggles to sleep at night, my utter panic at busy social situations, and he was amazing. Having him there with such constant support, love and friendship gotten me through the worst. I think it all came to a head around six or seven months ago, and I reached my peak. I was the most stressed I'd ever been, angry all the time, I hated myself and I felt so physically drained too. I ended up going off sick from work for around 2 months, before quitting my job altogether. I couldn't take it.

What I Did- I went to see my Doctor, and explained everything I'd been feeling and going through. It was the best thing I did, because she was so understanding and caring, I honestly felt a weight had been lifted. She put me on mild Antidepressants and suggested many ways in which I could improve things, such as talking to people, finding an activity or hobby to put into my routine which calms me, exercise, and various ways of dealing with grief, panic attacks and stress.
Where I Am Now- I'd like to think I'm totally over it all now, but I know it's not true. I'm a hell of a lot better, definitely. But there are still times I'll cancel on a friend because I'm feeling stressed out, or I purposefully won't attend a social gathering I feel uncomfortable in. There are times when it all feels a little bit too much, and I'm lost. But I'd say I'm at least 70% better than I was at the start of this year. I am no longer on Antidepressants, although I do have medication for stress/panic attacks if I need it. I have found that since I have begun blogging my mind and thoughts are more organised and focused, I feel a purpose and a passion whilst writing/creating content online. I have began eating better, and by that I don't mean I'm a total angel; it means I don't binge anymore, I'm trying new things and I'm watching what I put into my body. I've began an exercise streak going over three weeks strong now, by making sure I get at least an hour of exercise every single day. This has felt amazing, and I can see & feel positive changes in my body and mind. I hope to keep this going. One little thing I will mention, is I've also recently come off Cerazette too. For those who don't know, this is a version of the contraceptive pill that stops your periods altogether. I was on this for around 6 years, and had no problems. I was put on it because my periods were so bad that I was in agony every month. This solved this and I felt much better. The reason I've decided to come off it though is because every pill has side effects, and a common one with this is 'moodiness'. So in the interest of trying to help in every way I can, I decided to come off this pill to see if that helps too. I do feel it might have, but it's a little early to tell. Still, if you are on this you might want to consider this too. Also, recently my mum has been hospitalised multiple times, for stress. It seems I'm not the only one in this family to suffer from it, and I've known she has for years really. It got so bad though for her she has been seriously ill for months. She's on the mend now, and we understand each other in a way we never have before. We both know the importance now of not letting life get on top of us, and learning to deal with stress. It was the scare we both needed (unfortunately) to change our lives. I'm hoping we can help each other on this journey, but she's been dealing with this a lot longer than me and I do think it will be even harder for her.
What Next?- In all honesty, I've no idea at all. I'm making positive changes and I hope to keep that going always. I never want to get drawn into these problems so much again, and I feel I have the support I need too, which means the world to me. I hope everyone is okay with me posting on such a personal and important issue as this, and I would love any feedback you could give. If you are going through problems like this, or need someone to talk to, feel free to leave me a message, or an email (dorkfaceinfo@gmail.com) and I'll be an ear for you :) I think I just wanted to explain how these issues have affected me, but also how I've learned to help myself and lessen these problems. I hope that by reading this maybe one or two of you could find comfort knowing it's not forever.

Thanks for reading guys x

Art Journal Part 5.

This week is about confidence and insecurity, some things I've been running through my mind.

I had specific character types from real life in mind for each of these.

Keeping it simple this time, no clutter or layering. Pen, pencil, magazine cutouts and washi tape.
Make yourself at home.

DIY Lip Scrub in 5 Minutes

If you're anything like me, unfortunately you don't have lush, soft lips all year round. The hot weather cracks 'em, the Winter dries them out, it sucks. I'm constantly carrying lip balm with me wherever I go, and I really do need it. But what about when you need a little exfoliating scrub to do away with dead skin? Those days when perhaps your lips need a little TLC? Well here's a little tip on how you can sort all your problems with simple items you probably have around the house. You'll have duckface for days after this.. You'll need: A small tub or pot, A small blob of Vaseline (depending on how big your pot is!) 1 teaspoon of Sugar, 1 teaspoon of Honey, 1 old makeup brush (Or something small enough to mix with!).

Step 1. Make sure your little pot is all clean, ready for use.

Step 2. Add your Vaseline into your little pot. You want it to fill about half way.

Step 3. Sprinkle in half of the sugar, mix it up using your brush, and then add the rest of the sugar.

Step 4. Now add in the honey, and give it a good final mix. You want the consistency to be thick so don't add too much. We don't want this to drip on our lips, it's to be scrubbed on!

Step 5: Enjoy! I've been using my fingers to scrub this on, but again an old make up brush is fine. 

You can really feel the difference afterward, and your lips should be soft and smooth. And let's be honest, it's just FUN! :)

Hope this post made you smile, or was useful!

GAP Neutrals ♥

Hello lovely people :)
Hope you've had a good week so far, mine's been alright! Since yesterday's post I've been really inspired to find a new style, and some signature pieces for my wardrobe. I'm loving neutrals lately, and when I next go shopping I'll be buying lots of everyday clothing that I can mix and match with lots of different things. So I've been browsing online with these things in mind, when I basically fell in love with the GAP website. I must admit GAP isn't one store I usually go to when shopping, but that's probably because I'm usually looking for exciting, bright, funky clothes shops full of things I'll never wear again! Lol. 
So in light of yesterday's post, my new determination and new love for simple, elegant, neutral clothing; I've fallen in love with this lot..

From top to bottom, left to right:

1. Plain White Tee - £14.95 - Just been reminded how much I like that band! :)

2. Contrast Pecket Tee - £22.95 

3. Western Popover Shirt - £34.95

4. Slim Cropped Indigo Pants - £34.95

5. Grey Tulip Skirt - £19.99

6. Patch & Repair Boyfriend Jeans - £49.95

7. Leather Satchel - £74.95

8. Willow Pink Slip On Sneakers - £39.95

9. Leather Crossbody Bag - £39.95

So that's my latest wishlist, feel free to donate any of them to me. Honestly, I don't mind! :P

And if you fancy seeing other styles/items I'm loving, visit my Pinterest board here.

What items are you loving lately?

Style Inspiration

Last week I was browsing some new blogs, having a mooch around to see if I could find some great new reads, when I came across Caroline's blog; http://www.un-fancy.com.  It's clear from the moment you look at Unfancy, it's a style blog only. This usually puts me off, if I'm being completely honest. I love Style posts, I have a strong interest in Fashion and trends, but usually I like my blogs to have something else too. Some beauty posts, lifestyle stories, anything. This is mostly because I feel out of my depth when it comes to Style. I have no self confidence in my own 'style' and kind of believe I don't fit in with the Style bloggers, so I avoid them. I think I have to explain something. I'm one of those people who acts super confident and outgoing, when inside I'm actually very self conscious and worried I look like sh*t at all times. I have regular freak outs when getting dressed in the morning. I'm not happy with anything in my wardrobe, it takes me ages to get ready even to just pop the local shops, and I've probably snapped at my boyfriend in the process. I'm hellish.

Enter Unfancy. Caroline's blog is based around one simple idea. She creates a 'Capsule Wardrobe' for each Season, 37 pieces to be exact, and wears only those items for 3 months. Sounds a bit weird at first doesn't it? But upon further inspection I've decided it's brilliant. She chooses carefully selected pieces, only things she knows she will wear and love, and mixes and matches them to create wonderful outfits. She has uncluttered all of her wardrobe, and her life in a way. She has gotten rid of every piece of clothing she didn't like, weren't sure of or just didn't ever end up wearing no matter how pretty it was. And we all do that, we all have clothes we don't ever wear and will not wear. Admit it!

Photo credit to http://www.un-fancy.com/

You have no idea how much her idea appealed to me. She had seemed to have gotten rid of that daily 'What to wear?!' problem that I always fuss over so much. Because she had everything simplified and ready to just mix and match, knowing they already go together well and feel great. Oh and knowing that these are carefully selected pieces she will actually wear! I was jealous. Because the problem is, even if I wanted to try this, I don't have the money to spend on a whole new wardrobe (basically) right now. But that doesn't mean it can't inspire me to sort out my own wardrobe issues.

So this past week, I've gone through every piece of clothing I own and thrown away two great big bags of it all. Gone are the pretty dresses that I never wear because I don't actually feel pretty in them, gone are the tops that are too big/too small that were being kept for god knows what reason, gone are the things that I feel like I should keep simply because I spent so much on them. GONE. All of it. And to be honest, I feel exhilarated. I feel all fresh and new, and it's great.

Now, my wardrobe is half empty, but it's space for all the clothes I will be getting in the future. Only clothes that are pretty, comfortable, versatile and that will definitely be worn! I've now got the space to arrange everything much better, less cluttered. All the tops in my drawer are even colour coordinated and laid out lovely!

But the best thing? I've now taken some of Caroline's planning and adjusted it to my own wardrobe and my own problems. Now, once a week I go through my clothing, and plan at least a week's worth of outfits. I think about what plans I have for that week, what I'll need and maybe what the weather will be like (but I do keep a variety of options based on this, because it is England after all). Everything is hanging there, ready to be grabbed quickly and used for each day. It's clothing I love, feels great and looks good together. So I don't have the daily hissy fit of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. 

I did this all last week, and it was the first time in a long time getting dressed wasn't annoying, upsetting or downright stupid (clothes being flung everywhere, a messy room, etc). And as I write this, I'm planning to get next weeks outfits all planned, hung up and ready to wear. And I love it. It might sound crazy when you visit Caroline's blog and see what she's done, but look at her outfits. She's making use of all those carefully selected pieces, and she looks great. And even if you don't want to or can't do a new full wardrobe capsule like she has, do what I've done and be inspired by it enough to alter your wardrobe in a way you need. Get rid of the clutter, get to know what clothing you really love and feel better about your wardrobe in general. See only things you love in there from now on :) As a last little note, I'd also like to say that Caroline's wardrobe appealed to be so much that I realised just how much I like neutrals. I feel so better in neutral colours much more than loud ones, or busy prints. When I cleared out all unwanted clothing and I seen what was left, I shouldn't have been surprised it was mostly neutrals really. So I've learnt something about myself in the process, and will remember this next time I'm shopping.  Thanks for taking the time to read guys, and be sure to check out Caroline's fantastic blog here. What do you think?

Wantables Beauty Box Review

As some of you might know if you follow me on Twitter, I recently won a giveaway by the lovely @MissBeautySaver for a Wantable beauty box. I was thrilled, and immediately went on their website to take the beauty quiz, so they could get to know what products I like/don't like, and then waited impatiently for my package to arrive.
Well, the wait is finally over. It arrived a few days ago, and ever since I've been having fun trying out the lovely products. This is going to be a photo heavy post, as I really want you guys to see the products as best as I can show you.

New Bloglovin Account

Unfortunately this quick post is not a happy one!
Today I realised that I'd been using the wrong bloglovin link for a while, because I kept wondering why my recent posts never ever showed on BL. Now I know why... I'm gutted!
So this has meant starting all over again on Bloglovin & losing all my lovely followers. I realise I only had around 190 but that meant a huge deal to me, and I was proud of how some people liked my blog enough to follow. It also means I've lost all the lovely blogs I followed on there. So I will be hunting around trying to find you all again. Luckily I've got a whole bookmarked file of my absolute fave blogs, but I'll still be gutted losing a lot of lovely posters.
So please, if you fancy helping me out, if you followed before, or if you've just discovered my blog and think it's the sort of thing you like; Please follow my new BL account here. I've also updated my links on the sidebar.
I would appreciate it so much, thanks guys.
#Sadtimes