There's no denying that someone proposing to you, like, actually getting down on one knee and asking you to spend the rest of your life with them; is a huge deal. It's life changing (if you say yes..) and a story you'll probably tell over and over again.
But what about afterwards? After the putting on the ring and saying yes bit? After the promise to stick it out until you're old and wrinkly? What then?
Here are fifteen things that happen after that moment (well, here's fifteen things that have happened to me)...
1. You immediately have to tell EVERYONE. I don't just mean your mum and BFF, I mean every single person you possibly can. You want that news out there, in Twitterland, on Facebook, with Insta photos. Who knows why? Maybe just because you always found it annoying when an engagement popped up on your Facebook feed, so now you want your own revenge? Maybe just to avoid phoning everyone in your family, or having friends say 'Why didn't you tell me?!' as soon as they find out. Either way, you better believe the whole world is finding out, with pictures.
Have we called the local paper yet? Surely they'll want to know!
2. You can't stop looking at the ring. You'll make a right twat of yourself holding your hand out like they do in the movies and just staring wistfully at a ring you'll see every day of the rest of your life... as you're in the checkout line in Tesco.
3. The word fiance becomes novelty. 'Oh hey fiance, would you pass me the salt please darling? HAR HAR HAR' - basically you'll act like a bit of a tit over a word and annoy everyone around you.
4. You'll have a panic attack. Maybe it's hours later, maybe it's weeks. But at some point you'll realise marriage is SCARY and legal and you have to sign a document promising you'll hang out with someone FOREVER AND OH MY FUCKING GOD. And you'll feel old. Super super old.
5. But then you'll look at wedding dresses and be okay again. You'll stare at wedding dresses all day even though it's pointless because you're not getting married for ages yet and you're not the dress size you want to be AND you've no idea what they'll look like until they're on you anyway. But still, you'll look.
6. You'll tell the engagement story over and over and it'll fucking bore you in the end. Is that wrong to say? What I mean is, OF COURSE it's one of the most special moments in your life, but actually telling auntie Sue and uncle Bob about it for the fiftieth time will make you want to curl in a ball and weep. This is where having a blog comes in handy, because whenever someone asks, I just link them to this blog post. JOB DONE.
7. You'll plan way, waaaay ahead. Okay so I want to get married as soon as poss, but hmm a venue/dress/caterer/etc is expensive, so we'll need to save for at least a year, and I need time to plan everything. So okay if I start dieting now, I should be the dress size I want to be by then, and I'll have to get fitted for a dress a few months beforehand and then I'll have to book this by this month and save that by that month and FOR FUCKS SAKE I CAN'T EVEN PLAN MY TEA FOR TONIGHT LET ALONE A WEDDING TWO YEARS AWAY.
8. Then you'll 'quit' wedding planning. Trust me, I've already experienced this, and I reckon I'll experience it many, many times in the process of actually getting down that aisle. It's those moments where it all seems too much hassle just for one day and you work out the total cost and think OMFG I'd rather go to Disneyland/Japan/a trip around Europe. But then you remember you want that PERFECT wedding photograph in the perfect dress in the perfect place. So essentially you'll drive yourself crazy and break the bank because you want a special photo. Brilliant.
9. Everyone will become a know-it-all.
"Don't assume you're gonna actually go with that style of dress, you'll probably go with something totally different!"
"This is the best way to plan your wedding, this is how we did it.."
"You don't want to invite people you haven't known that long"
"Be careful who you choose for bridesmaids"
"You should really have the venue at ___ or have ___ style wedding"
Oh jesus tonight leave me alone. I'll choose whatever I want and I don't appreciate you talking to me like I'm an idiot and you're the king/queen of weddings thank you.
(Also, note it's already affecting me. I'm writing this blog post, acting know-it-all-ish. What a twat.)
10. You'll realise who you really like and who you're just not really arsed about. Can I reaaaallly see myself paying for a full course meal for Katie/Lucy/Sarah to attend? Hmm.. nahh we're not even that close.
11. You'll offend someone. Accept that now and make life easier for yourself. You won't ask someone to be bridesmaid, you won't invite them in the daytime to the ceremony, or you'll just basically look at someone the wrong way and they'll be fuming at you then. It's a social minefield when you're engaged guys.
12. You'll notice who seems genuinely happy for you, and who isn't.
The less said about this one the better...
13. You'll realise your other half's family will now become YOUR family, oh my god.
14. And your family will become THEIR family OH MY FUCKING GOD.
15. You'll feel a total sense of contentment when you realise something lovely is going to happen. You're going to marry the one you love, and that's pretty darn good.
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