5 Ways I'm Still An Emo Stuck In 2006

2006 was probably the height of my emo 'phase'. I was 17/18 and despite the contradiction here, it was probably the happiest time of my life. You know, before grown up life set in, before any real heartbreak and before anything super bad ever happened to me for the most part. I was young, free, studying Art and Design at college and loving it. I was out with friends every single week, had money to burn and no responsibilities. 

I was also a total fucking emo. I recently shared one or two photos from this time on Twitter and Insta, for the lols. And oh did the lols come in heavily...
I'm glad a fair few things have changed since then. However, since this blog is a place of honesty, here are 5 ways in which I'm still a total fucking emo/scene kid (except all grown up and lame).

The Farewell Tour

This week you may have seen that Funeral For a Friend announced their farewell tour for 2016, which will be their last one ever. Now to be honest, they've basically been off the scene for years. But FFAF represent a huge, gigantic, emotional, painful, wonderful and crazy part of my life. I knew I had to get tickets. 
Hearing their music instantly takes me back to my first year of college, and it was basically the best time of my life so far. That's not to say I'm not happy now, or experiencing the most amazing things in my life; I am! You better believe I am now more honest, creative, true to myself, open and wise than I ever could have been back when I was 16. 
But the thing is... how fucking awesome was it being stupid/naive/angry/delirious with the world?
My sixteen year old self was so different to my current self in almost every way; some good, some bad. She thought she was fat (she wasn't) but still had the most confidence ever, she had time to just lie on her bed and play albums over and over on repeat, talk on MSN, write in her diary, talk on the phone for hours and draw. She would cry over boys, wear band tshirts, colour her hair and daydream about being a writer (even though she was studying Art). She would go out EVERY Thursday night with a huge group of friends, the same friends every week, and always making more. She would get piercings and be silly at 3am with those same friends and be convinced she was going to die young (I'm not sure why.. but I was always convinced).
These days I'm up until 3am a lot still; but it's always sat in my office still working, or in bed watching Netflix. If I'm at a park at 3am or out on the streets... something has seriously gone wrong. The only band tshirts I have left are for sleeping in, and well... in a way I never imagined; I am a writer. And an artist and a crafter and a social media manager (my sixteen year old self would find it mental that social media is big and important enough for people to pay you to do it for them). Yeah I still colour my hair, and my tattoos are now a part of me. Twitter is the new MSN, except without the emo screen names and 'oops, sorry wrong convo' shames. I barely have the time to sleep, let alone lie around on my own just to listen to music. I have to schedule seeing friends weeks (even months) ahead of time, and no one can be spontaneous any more. 
It's almost breaking my heart a little bit to write all that, because that was my time growing up; and I loved it. I'm very lucky, I had the best teen years and early twenties anyone could ask for. If I could go back and do it all again... yeah, I'd do it. I'd party a little harder, I'd love myself a little more and I'd bring in as many sunrises half drunk with a friend as possible. (And I'd start blogging a lot earlier...)

As much as it breaks my heart missing so much about that time, having no responsibilities and feeling like the world was mine for the taking; there's a lot I have now that I could never have imagined back then, and I wouldn't want to give up for the world. I have a boyfriend who treats me like an actual princess every single day. No, not pretty nice. No, not generous or kind every now and again. Every single day. A partner who tells me how beautiful I am, every day we've been together. Someone who asks about my passions, and remembers things I've said in passing. Someone who supports my dreams and encourages me to grow. Someone who puts up with my shit. Because I can be quite shit. We have a place we live together, that I pretty much love. It's not perfect and it's not particularly glossy; but it's ours, and we love it. I have dreams I'm chasing, I have amazing opportunities and I have friends all over the world. I'm so fucking truly blessed.
So the thing is, I love sixteen year old Jemma. God, I adore her. She still makes me laugh and I envy so much of her life. But she's got a lot of shit to learn too. These days, at the age of twenty seven I find myself wanting the best of both worlds. I think that's why I wanted to get these tickets this week so bad. Seeing a band I so prominently resonate with my wreckless youth is important to me. 
It might be the band's farewell tour, but I'll also be saying goodbye.
I'm gonna stop mourning the past, and I'm going to accept that I can't be sixteen forever. I'm going to accept that I have responsibilities, life can be shit sometimes and I won't always see my friends everyday. But I'm going to remember the fucking spirit and passion I had back when I was sixteen. I'm going to remember how important it is to just take the time to lie down, immerse yourself in the music you love and forget the world. I'm going to remember how much I just really never ever gave a fuck what anyone thought. I'm going to remember how much fun I put into every single day.
So I'll say goodbye to certain things, sure. But I'm hoping this blast from the past will remind me to stay young at heart.
...And maybe to see in a few more sunrises drunk as hell.

Here's to the farewell tour.



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The 1989 Tag

I've taken a small break from packing up our lives (we're moving home! yay!) to do this tag. It's a little bit random, but appropriate I guess since I've listened to this album on repeat for the last week or so :) 

1. WELCOME TO NEW YORK

If you could live in any city, which would it be and why?

Seattle, it just looks beautiful. And it's rainy a lot, which I'm okay with.

2. BLANK SPACE

What is something that everyone thinks is true about you but is actually false?

That I’m a leader. My friends automatically put me in this role, and always have! Lol. I don't know why though because I hate leading.. :P

3. STYLE

What is one item in your closet that makes you feel unstoppable?

My glasses. I don't even need glasses, but you better believe I love them and feel better in them.

4. OUT OF THE WOODS

What is one thing that you’re afraid of?

Spiders, heights, very small enclosed spaces. Seeing scary faces in the window at night, lol.

5. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY

Who is someone you wish was still in your life?

My Dad, without a doubt. On November 28th it'll have been 4 years since he died and it still feels like yesterday.

6. SHAKE IT OFF

What is something you have had to shake off?

Bad people, and negativity. 2014 Has seen me become a lot more positive and leave behind certain things that were holding me back. I concentrate on the good a lot more and feel so much better for it.

7. I WISH YOU WOULD

What is something you’d like to happen right now?

That blogging would become my full time job <3 Or at least get a job I'm passionate about.
Or pizza. Pizza would be great.

8. BAD BLOOD

Have you ever had someone stab you in the back?

Yeah, but hasn't everyone?

9. WILDEST DREAMS

What would you like to be remembered for?

Being fun, being kind, being imaginative. Fingers crossed..

10. HOW YOU GET THE GIRL

What is your favourite pick-up line?

Lol I can't do that. I can't even flirt. I just like.. tease. Yeah, like an eight year old boy. It's at this point I mention once again I met Gary through Tumblr lol.

11. THIS LOVE

What is something you got back that you never thought you would?

Self confidence.

12. I KNOW PLACES

Where is one place you always feel safe?

Anywhere with Gary. I know, CHEEESSSE. Sorry. Failing that; bed.

13. CLEAN

What is an important lesson you have learned in life, and how did you learn it?

That I'm so much stronger than I thought. That I deserve better than treatment I've had in the past. That some people are only in your life for a small amount of time, and that's okay.


If you follow me on Twitter you'll already know that Gary and I have just found a lovely new home!, which we hope to finally move into next week. So right now life is a little bit crazy, packing up everything we own, trying to order furniture and do it all around our work schedules too! So I really appreciate you guys bearing with me while I try to get blog posts done somehow! This weekend I'm going to try get a few posts scheduled too, because I'm not sure when we will have internet in the new place either.

So keep visiting back, check with my updates on Twitter, and know that I'll soon have SO MUCH MORE home/lifestyle/diy posts available to do in the new flat :) Eeep!

Exciting times..

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Music That Runs Through My Veins

Recently I wrote a post about growing up, talking over some things I wish I'd known, mainly over my teenage years. Some regrets, some advice and tips I wish I'd been given sooner, or just some common sense which I clearly didn't have back then. Writing that post and thinking back over the past 10 to 15 years, really got me feeling nostalgic and brought back plenty of memories. The one thing that always brings me back to my teenage years instantly is music. The music I was obsessed with, would listen to constantly, would queue for hours just to see performed live, and the music I basically lived for. 
The thing I realised when thinking back to those years, was that there were certain bands I was utterly devoted to, and still am. Even to this day I listen to their music on a daily basis, they still inspire me and they are my 'Go To'  music for immediate joy/love/understanding/adrenaline rushes. So I decided to share these with you guys as these music artists have a special place in my heart :)
*Sidenote - I know these aren't to everyone's taste. No music ever is. This post is purely to share a piece of myself with you guys.
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First up we have The Distillers. You have no idea how much I adore Brody Dalle, I basically wanted to be her. Her raspy, gravelly voice, her amazing body, her kick ass style and no shit attitude. She is so fucking hot AND makes amazing music. Too good to be true really. A friend once described me as 'always going for the dirty girls', and I can see what he means with Brody. She was never clean cut or 'pretty', and it was inspiring. The Distillers remind me of times when I was a little more spontaneous, and probably a lot more drunk. Good nights with old friends, making new friends, and being out a lot. The music screamed down my ears, empowered me and ran through my veins. It still does.
Favourite Lyric: 'I never met a pearl quite like you, Who could shimmer and rot at the same time through'.
                                                                                         ♥

As a girl who always had a soft spot for Emo boys, floppy hair, piercings and plenty of ink; I was never not going to be drawn to Blink 182. But attraction isn't enough, obviously. There's gotta be substance you can relate or connect to there. And god these boys deliver for me. Whether I'm feeling on top of the world, or miserable as hell, these guys have a song for it. It's hard to say what their music specifically reminds me of, because they have spanned so many phases and memories within my life. One of my favourite songs, 'What's My Age Again?' is one that always made me feel SO happy, fun and.. well, young. Like life is a lot less serious than we have to take it everyday. It's a good feeling. Unfortunately around 2008/2009 someone I was in love with shared many memories of this song with me. They did something particularly sweet, unexpectedly while purposely playing this song because they knew how much it meant to me. Fast forward to this same asshole ripping my heart in two and not giving it a second thought - this song now brings up some things I'd rather forget. So the song is now tainted for me a little, weird how that can happen eh? Nevertheless Blink 182 continue to speak to my little emo girl heart and stay a firm favourite.
Favourite Lyric: 'With all of this I feel now, Everything inside of my heart, It all just seems to be how nothing I feel pulls at me at all, Again I wait for this to pull apart, To break my time in two, Another night with her.. But I'm always wanting you.'
- Fun Fact; This is a lyric from 'All Of This' which is a Blink 182 Collaboration with Robert Smith. AKA the amazing lead singer from The Cure. Which leads me to...
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The Cure. Whether it's 'Lullaby', 'Friday I'm In Love' or 'Boy's Don't Cry', I'm always listening to one of these upbeat, yet dark and tormented tracks. It's so hard to think of a favourite if I'm being honest. 'Just Like Heaven' is actually my official happy song. I play it anytime I need cheering up, and every time I'm already feeling happy. It improves everything! Then there's 'Pictures Of You' which is so powerful it makes me feel kind of sad in those first few seconds of playing. It reminds me of a specific memory; travelling somewhere, listening to it and thinking of how much I missed someone. It's so painfully beautiful.It's the complete opposite of 'Just Like Heaven' but I love them both equally. The Cure are known for their Eighties vibe, and Robert Smith's signature look. Big, messy hair, black eyes and makeup streaked lips. I fucking love it. I regularly went for this look myself growing up. I mentioned before didn't I? I like dirty, grimy people full of attitude, haha. This band will always be there for me. Powerful stuff..
Favourite Lyric: 'Spinning on that dizzy edge I kissed her face and kissed her head, and dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow. "Why are you so far away?" she said, "Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you, That I'm in love with you" '
                                                                                          ♥

And finally Placebo. I only discovered this piece of music history in my first year of college, around 2004, when I seen a music video of a very androgynous man writhing around wearing makeup and still looking insanely powerful. Maybe I have a thing for men wearing makeup? Anyway, that man was Brian Molko and the band was Placebo. With alternative music that insisted you turn it up and lyrics like poetry, I was hooked from that moment on. I really believe Placebo push boundaries with their music, lyrics, style and performances and constantly surprise me. It's hard for me to even explain to you how much I love Brian Molko particularly, his voice has been playing in my ears for years and he's been captivating me with every performance. Favourite's include 'Nancy Boy', 'Pure Morning' and 'Where Is My Mind' (A Pixies cover). Go, let Brian seduce your ears immediately.
Favourite Lyric: 'You are one of God's mistakes, You crying, tragic waste of skin.' (AND!).. 'Carve your name into my arm, Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed. 'Cuz there's nothing else to do, Every me and every you.'
                                                                                            ♥
If you bothered to read this all the way through, thank you so much! I know it's wordy one, but I really wanted to include this post for a while on my blog because this music is so important to me and something I feel so passionate about. Every band mentioned apart from The Distillers (sadly) are people I've seen live at least once. They are bands I will always love and respect and use to get me through anything.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, do any of you like any of the music mentioned? Let me know what music has stuck with you through the years :)

*None of these photographs are mine. All were obtained through Google images.

Music

Today I wanted to tell you guys what music I've been listening to and loving this past week ♥

They are mostly only recently discovered by me, so please don't judge me if you've loved a certain band or Artist for a long time, I'm always slow haha!

Banks ♥

Her music has been described as 'dark R'n'B' by plenty, but I feel it has dreamy/chillout/techno moments too which really made her stand out to me. I've found Banks great to listen to while chilling out, blogging and when I'm awake late at night. Relaxing without being anywhere near boring. My favourite songs right now of hers are 'Brain', 'This is What it Feels Like' and 'Drowning'.

Foster The People ♥

Yes, I'm late on this one. Oh well, better late than never! Anyway these guys made their way onto my phone about 3 weeks ago, and I've not regretted it. Upbeat, quirky, indie, I like everything about their sound so far. Especially 'Pumped Up Kicks' and 'Coming of Age'.

Foe ♥

Now, this is my love! Foe is UK female Artist I discovered randomly last year sometime. She is still small time, only one other person I know has heard of her. She has been on TV, radio and wrote about in The Guardian as 'New Music of The Week' in 2011. I love her music, it's SO catchy, quirky and yet dark. You can find her music around if you search her album 'Bad Dream Hotline', especially on youtube. In fact I'll leave a link here, to one of my favourite songs of hers. She is a wig wearing, weird girl with a sultry voice you'll die for. If you listen to one artist from this list, make it FOE.

Foxes ♥

Oh she's one I was meant to try for a long time. But just never quite got around to it, until now. Like her album name, she is Glorious. Great voice and catchy tunes of soft pop with a dark streak make her one to keep on listening to. I love 'Youth', 'Let Go For Tonight' and 'In Her Arms'.

Troye Sivan ♥

Oh this boy. As one of the super famous Youtubers who own the vlogging world, he has now gone into the music business. And in my opinion, he's done it successfully. His EP has just been released days ago, and already it's made a massive impact with fans all around the world. 'Happy Little Pill' is the first released track and I'm obsessed with it. There are only 5 tracks on the EP and my only downside would be that I want more. Go listen to it, see for yourself :)

Let me know what you think of my choices, and if you like any of them!