confidence

10 Steps To Self Love

I have hated myself in the past.
I have loathed looking in the mirror.
I have felt lonely and unwanted in even the biggest group of friends.
I have felt very, very small.

I have avoided trying to make plans with friends, because I have assumed they won't want to see me anyway. I have cancelled plans last minute, because a bad feeling can turn into full on anxiety and resistance to leave the house. I have walked through crowds with my head down, trying to breathe and trying not to panic that everyone is looking at me. I've experienced a time where I really didn't love myself.

It would be easy to assume this post, '10 Steps To Self Love'; is about to make out like self love is an easy journey. I would understand if people seen this title and thought it would be a list of superficial ways to feel a bit better about yourself.

But that is not my intention, because that would be so belittling.

Loving yourself is a constant journey we all experience, and some of us are unfortunate enough to sometimes slip into this dark place where all we see is the bad. The world is tainted when you hate yourself, or disregard your own worth.

Today I hope to share with you ten things that have made me feel like I'm progressing into a healthier state of mind. Ten steps that have felt like I'm a little lighter, a little more open to the world. Ten steps I have had to push myself through to get where I am now. I'm sure there will be more steps along my way. But here is the progress I've made so far.

I'm in the process of a transformation this year. I'm making a lot of life changes and it's really shaping who I am and how I present myself to the world. All positively I hope, of course. But it's scary and hard and daunting and... just plain old boring from the outside I imagine.

Some of the hardest challenges I've set myself include becoming a healthier,fitter person. I hope to drop quite a few dress sizes, and really love my body again; but it's such a hard thing to do. Then my next challenge is to try grow my confidence, and do outfit posts. Eventually getting to the point where I hopefully do unique, exciting, quirky outfit posts that really show off who I am. But again, this shit is not easy.

It's not often I like the way I look. Okay no, that's an understatement if there ever was one. I hate the way I look really. But I try not to let it hold me back much if I can, because that'd be lame. Positive thoughts and all that. Anyway, so I've wanted to post some outfits on this blog for a long time, and never quite got around to it really... *ahem* /avoided it like the plague. I mentioned recently in this post that my confidence is something I wanted to improve on, and I wanted to push myself more. Since then, the lovely folk over at Vivien of Holloway were kind enough to offer me a dress of my choice to try out, from their inspiring range. I felt pretty in awe to be honest! The range is absolutely astounding and offers a style for everyone. The main focus is 1940's and 1950's style dresses, so think lots of girly/rockabilly styles and flattering shapes - YAY. I was in heaven choosing.

Today I wanted to talk about confidence; on how you can have it in great, big generous amounts in some areas of your life, but in the most minuscule of amounts in others. Sit me down with a drawing tablet, or a bunch of paints and I'm almost completely confident in myself. I know I can create something I'm happy with, from nothing. I can use my imagination and skills to put together a whole new creation and feel proud of what I come up with, enough to want to show it off - even if I know it won't be to everyone's taste. That's the thing with confidence, you're not expecting everyone else to like you, or whatever you're confident in. You're just happy with it enough for yourself.

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Last month I wrote about how I wanted to improve my confidence, and the small steps I could take towards feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I've definitely given plenty of things a try, and found some success already which I wanted to share.
Being brave; I've put myself purposely in situations that intimidate me a little, but that I know will be good for me. Offering to take on new responsibilities at work really paid off, my boss was impressed and told me how well I was doing, and I felt productive, inspired and more confident.
Spreading a little joy; I've really made an effort to find happiness in each day, and be thankful for something. I've encouraged people around me, gone out of my way to cheer someone up, and complimented at least one person everyday. It feels amazing! I'm the happiest I've maybe ever felt.
Stopping comparison; This one was the hardest for me. Whether it be wishing I looked different, was as successful as other people, or as funny/smart/creative; it was very difficult to stop. I have found though that I at least counteract these thoughts immediately, with more positive ones. I've made an effort to look nice, and complimented myself in moments of doubt. I've tried to remember that I'm in a much better place than I was a few years ago, and so I'm already successful in many ways. And as for being funny? Ahh well, you can't have it all.
Tricking my body; This one is quite funny because it works on two levels. I have began doing power poses at times when I feel most vulnerable or insecure, and it has helped. Mostly because I feel ridiculous, but it makes me laugh. Either way it stops me stressing out or caving in to insecurity. I also smile a lot more at strangers too, it's nice. Try it.

Those are the small steps I've taken so far to build up my confidence, and I think it's going great so far. I'm actually going to my first blog event ever in three weeks, and I'm so excited but I definitely think it'll be a test for my confidence.
Wish me luck!

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